i wonder if she didn’t
because of the stigma.
i wonder if she didn’t
because she didn’t
know.
where is the line?
impulse control
is a stranger to me.
i’m driven by a need
to be validated,
to belong.
driven by a dream
of imagined demigods,
humans on a pedestal,
that i want to share.
but really they’re just humans
whom i admire, maybe too strongly,
maybe too obsessively,
until my paranoia
and shame
devalue
them.
i build them back up
as i tear myself down.
i used to think about my karass
to justify my emotional ties.
i used to think about the we of me,
seeking to fill a hole.
maybe i need to learn that all of me
is already whole.
maybe i need to learn
that i, too, am human,
and need not be
a god.
maybe i need to learn
to value myself
first.