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I Need You

remember, four years ago,
when I banked on your ears
to get me through each day?

I think I need you again.

sorry that I’m twenty-one
and supposed to be gone,
but I guess I’m dumber now,
worse off than at seventeen.

you’re the only one who knows
what I’ve done to myself,
and you’re the only one I’ll tell
that I want to do it again.

everyone else I’ve trusted
is just not here, and I won’t
interrupt their busy lives
to tell them of my weakness,
of my imminent failure.

but I’ll talk to you because
you’ve always been here.

and I’ll talk to you because
I don’t know why I do this.

my attempts are restrained now,
due to my circumstances,
but I know I am just
a turned head away
from a return to
emptiness.

and I don’t even know
what it proves.