deficit: something I can’t afford, but I’m gonna come up short today. I’m gonna come up short anyway. it’s not my fault. I physically can’t stomach enough to meet my quota— the one 300 lower than where I should have been this week. there’s no way I can make it tonight. I’m sorry, but this is the start of my descent. I’m sorry, DJB, that your words of confidence are meaningless right now. I’m sorry, my dear, ‘cause I’m breaking a promise to you the very same day I made it. and I bet you’d both say that I should apologize to myself for giving up. guess the fact that I was never getting better for myself is showing up now.