Should’ve

Written May 12, 2010

wasted opportunity:
yes?
no?

I’ve got three months
to agonize
over words
I did not say.

were they words
I should have
said?

 

 

shit!

I think my insides
are going to
scream themselves apart!

stupid memories are melting
me down into a puddle of
uselessness.

they’re not stupid.
they’re just trivial—
to anyone but me,
I imagine.

and I imagine
many ways
they could have
gone better.

SUBTLETY
has not a place
in my life
anymore.

but God! I did not expect
you to be so fucking
ADORABLE.

 
 

(I bet you don’t want to be adorable at all,
but I wasn’t planning to feel this way.)

 
 

maybe I should have just said it.
maybe I should have just said it.
so many things I should have just said.

“maybe Science is telling you she needs some space.”
…
and MAYBE
I’m trying to tell you
that I really like you.

(I’m just too scared to tell you.)

 
 

I’m not cryptic.
I’m not even deep.

I’m just a fool
with only enough courage
to produce this message
only slightly less indirect
than the exclamations in my head

because I’m too scared
to pick up the phone
and say,

“I really like you,”

and dammit,
I should’ve said it in person.