not enough, it’ll never be enough,
i’ll never be enough—
it’s all or nothing
and i’ll always be nothing,
never have it all
you see is painted perfection,
a fabrication to fuck myself over
when i want you to see the truth.

WHAT’S
AMBIVALENCE?

it’s killing me to hide it all
and want to bear it all at the same time.
i keep convincing myself that

you

won’t believe me
won’t listen to me
won’t understand…

all of you any of you
i’m not sick enough
to get a meaningful label—
won’t you just ask me…

‘cause i’m not sick enough
for the letters to call me crazy.
after seven fucking years
i can’t even get validation.

i tried, i tried—
and she just wanted a reason.

well, i know,
but remember,
that’s not enough.

i’m sick of this meaningless gray area.

i’ll never have it all,
so i’m just trying to fade
to nothing.