i believe they call them
“intrusive thoughts”.

they’re quite repetitive,
really,
and i suppose
they do indeed intrude,
because i never invited them
in the first place.

they don’t mean well,
and i don’t mean them.

but they butt their way
into the conversation,
as if the more times i think it,
i’ll believe it.

well, i don’t.
i’ve fought very hard not to,
thank you.

i find myself
needing to ground myself
too often these days.

i have to say,
“oh no, i actually don’t,”
when the intruder says,
“iwannaiwannaiwanna.”

maybe i ought be less polite,
because fuck you, interloper,
i quite like living, thank you.

i quite like living
without you.