you got me thinking that day, and thus far, it's all been for the race. still using the long run as a crutch (and i'm scared i'll need them soon), pushing and crying and cutting through all kinds of pain, just to keep eating, just to stay on my feet. some impulsive effort to get you to understand the road i'm on probably was of no use, and every day i contemplate, in preparation for my return, how i will explain to you what this is and has been like. not even because i need you, but because i think i owe you, and i'm hoping that one more story will help you see from my perspective, so perhaps you will know with certainty that i wasn't searching for a hero in you; i just needed someone to know that i was losing my mind, my body, and my soul— and i couldn't stop. now, my legs are unsteady, but i'm still fighting to climb back up and better than i was. and i want you to know that where i am is strong enough to do whatever it takes to repay you.