Addiction

Written November 15, 2010

i need your electric field.
i need your chemical reaction.
serotonin. serotonin.
catalyze the receptors in my head.
my dear, you are a fucking drug,
and i need you,
sometimes,
i need you—
all to myself.

i am no one you’ll ever want.
no one you’ll ever need.
love someone beautiful.
love someone unscarred.
love someone
less out of her mind.

you’ll never want me.
you’ll never need me,
like i’m addicted to you.
too late:
i’m lost again
in my fantasies of you,
‘cause i fucking need anything,
even if it’s just a dream,
to get me through the day.

missing you kills me,
‘cause you’re the only thing here
making me feel significant.
but every day i admit to myself
that i am not needed by you,
and you’re too damn polite
to shut me out of your life.
 
 
 
 
 
 

(don’t lose your backbone for me.
we’ll never get out of this alive.)

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