Written January 2, 2010
Honesty, like Ben said, is the best policy.
I believe him. I believe a lot of things he said.
So why did I half-hope that you’d never have to know?
The rush of the pursuit clouded my judgment.
I promised myself that I would come clean if we got to that point.
I wasn’t about to initiate anything while on thin ice—
certainly not based on a sudden feeling I didn’t know you’d return,
that I didn’t know would last.
What were you looking for?
I’m over-analyzing vague memories to figure it out,
because time and space prevent me from asking directly.
Despite my previous misdirections,
I can be straightforward now.
So I hope you’ll stay for my arrival.
I may not understand anything,
but confessing that is a start.
I won’t let you down this time,
if I’ve even let you down at all.
Maybe I’m just guilt-tripping myself
over something you weren’t even hoping would transpire.
But no matter what,
I’m dropping this cryptic act,
and I’m going to do this right.