Eight Years Not Lost

Written March 14, 2010

would i trade the years
to start anew, if i knew?
will the papers say,
“my mind changed me,”
and not the converse?

no. no. i doubt they will.
because who gets it when i say
that the decision comes
before the rationale—
when that reason doesn’t cut it
for anyone who’s asking?

the road relocated before me.
this way, this way—
the unknown beckons.
i’m scared. i’m scared.
and i’d be lying if i said
i’d rather turn back.

the same old streets
don’t light up for me anymore.

i’m sorry.
i’m sorry if this hurts you,
but i need to walk this way
whether i’m ready or not.

(i’m not. listen! i’m not.)

but i’ve got to take the wheel
and make this work.
i think that maybe—
maybe i knew this was the way
all along.