Enough

Written September 4, 2010

not enough, it’ll never be enough,
i’ll never be enough—
it’s all or nothing
and i’ll always be nothing,
never have it all
you see is painted perfection,
a fabrication to fuck myself over
when i want you to see the truth.

WHAT’S
AMBIVALENCE?

it’s killing me to hide it all
and want to bear it all at the same time.
i keep convincing myself that

you

won’t believe me
won’t listen to me
won’t understand…

all of you any of you
i’m not sick enough
to get a meaningful label—
won’t you just ask me…

‘cause i’m not sick enough
for the letters to call me crazy.
after seven fucking years
i can’t even get validation.

i tried, i tried—
and she just wanted a reason.

well, i know,
but remember,
that’s not enough.

i’m sick of this meaningless gray area.

i’ll never have it all,
so i’m just trying to fade
to nothing.