Written May 23, 2010
kids, if i had a pensieve, i’d never leave it. not on days like this. i haven’t left the clutches of clouds and coldness and yesterday. what courage, rosemarie? what courage, did you see? give me a voice, God, to shout to someone! i need some help here, stranger. i need some help here, friend. why can’t you see that i’m not perfect? why can’t you see through all my lies? i can feel your judging eyes ignoring what i would say. i can fear your abandonment at my admissions. the point is i don’t need justification although i know you want it. i just know you won’t fucking get it.
‘cause who am i to feel this way? call me a loser for copping out. call me a loser for quitting now. ‘cause who am i to feel this way?
(anyone could be dying inside and you would be too narrow to believe it)