Written May 23, 2011
during, i can find solace, but yesterday i had two hours to learn that it’s not enough anymore. maybe it’s better when there’s no competition, no ranks, no official record of my mediocrity. maybe, but it can’t last forever. i ran eleven miles and realized that this won’t make me good enough. i fought back tears whilst doing the one thing i love, the one thing i do for me, because it’s meaningless. you don’t give a fuck about the effort i put into this. even if i was the best, i wouldn’t be good enough for you. hell, even though i’m “perfect” to pretty much everyone else, i’m still not good enough. there’s always someone better: someone else worth anyone’s time. i’ll never be good enough. and i’m never happy, not even doing things i like. no one would give a shit, so why don’t i do everyone a favor, and just put the finish line here?