Not Good Enough

Written July 14, 2011

tell me that i’m doing well,
that i’ve come so fucking far.
how can you say
i’m not doing
enough?

‘cause i’ve done so much
that i can’t even look at myself.

and i’ve done so much
but am still unconvinced
that it’s better for me.

you don’t know
that i haven’t gone
too fucking far.

nothing isn’t right,
but maybe anything
is wrong, too.

the middle ground
involves discipline,
but you warned me
that any deprivation
is a restriction:

basically a step toward a cliff.
a free fall, with even less
resistance than before.
and how far? (-½gt2.)
how fast? (2gΔy.)

i know the physics applies
in a different way here,
but i’m skeptical that
your energy calculations
are flawed.

it’s all wrong.
it’s all wrong,
but mostly,
i just can’t
do anything
right.