Epilogue

by Erin
Written Dec. 2005

I’ve been nothing since birth,
So tell me what I’m worth.
I don’t love me; you don’t either.
Of love and worth, I’ve got neither.
I thought I had love for you.
No one else believed it true.
Nor did you, or did you lie?
If so, can you tell me why?
I don’t hate you; I never will.
But you made the void; please refill.
Two reasons to live, you very well.
The other, I don’t want to live in Hell.
Las dos make up my tattered thread.
“It’s tearing. I’m so scared,” I said.
Like I am not even there,
They hear me but do not care.
For my life, I beg, I plead.
They’re all blind. It’s you I need.
Oh when you are at my side,
I do not know suicide.
When all alone, I could kill,
Myself, but I never will.
I say but can’t promise that,
If I make three strikes at bat,
I won’t commit the heinous crime.
I’ll say, “I can’t hold on this time.”
So I am dead, can’t save me now,
Not that you ever did know how.

Presently, I am alive.
Honestly, I do not thrive.
Tell me the reasons to live.
Do you have any to give?
Ones that I could understand,
With meaning, not those so bland?
I can’t stand me, can’t go on.
Will you miss me when I’m gone?
And finally then, will you know,
That I really did want to go?
By then, it be made known,
So ached el corazón.
For the dearth of hope,
With which I can’t cope.
For the lack of knowing,
And all of you showing,
That this somehow makes me wrong,
That I will never be strong.
I assumed that you were right,
And I wept every night.
I prayed to God the sublime,
“Will you answer me this time?
Please tell me when I will know,
That it’s okay to let go.”
I don’t mean of me; rather of you.
“I can still feel it. What should I do?”